( the nights are always the hardest, when the baby and the boyfriend are both asleep and the house is silent. it won't last, people tell her. enjoy it while it does, the doctor says. he may sleep through the night now, but that's likely to change as he gets bigger, and then the chances of her managing to catch a little shut eye drop drastically. heather doesn't know how to tell any of them that she doesn't really sleep anyway.
during the day, life is one giant distraction. the restaurant is understanding, if not entirely accepting, of the change in her availability, and she's able to keep her daytime hours though it isn't without a fight. every morning she drops the baby off with will, or her mother, and tries to pretend like it doesn't feel as if she's dying a little bit each time she does.
there's the new apartment, still pretty barren, all things considered. the most important things have been put away, the kitchen is clean and she's got her clothes and everything else required to survive on a day to day basis, but the rest is still shoved in boxes stacked up in the living room and along the hallway. things she hasn't had the time or the energy (or both) to go through and attempt to find a place for. this place is smaller than the old house, which isn't actually saying much, and some days she's not entirely sure how they're going to fit. how they're going to make it work.
and kyle, he seems so badly to want to make it work. he tries to help as much as he can, changes diapers when heather's in the middle of making dinner and can't get to it, brings home takeout when he knows she's too drained to cook. on those rare days when she does manage to get some sleep, he rubs her back until she does, and he doesn't get upset (or at least hides it well) when she constantly brings up will. sometimes accidentally, sometime on purpose, but a day doesn't usually pass without him being brought up at least once. (a part of her life she couldn't let go of now even if she wanted to. ) he's sweet and wonderful, and anymore she doesn't know what to do with that. it's exactly what she wanted, but nowhere near how she wanted it.
the tiny apartment feels claustrophobic tonight. like the walls are closing in, and she struggles just to breathe. lays sleepless in the bed, shadows creeping slowly across the ceiling while kyle snores softly next to her. it's overwhelming, crushing, and before she can think better of it, she slips out from beneath the blankets. grabbing her cellphone from the nightstand and padding softly out to the living room, not bothering to turn on any of the lights. even the crap left where it was set down the day she moved in has been there long enough now that she can navigate without seeing. this is an awful idea. sleeping soundly in the bedroom is a boy who seems to really are about her and this sad, broken little family that he found, and if she were any sort of decent, she'd crawl back into the bed with him and give sleep another go. but heather isn't a good person, and there's only one person who's voice she's interested in hearing right now. the only person she knows who'll still be awake at 2:47 in the morning.
just so long as he doesn't see the number and choose to ignore the call. she wouldn't blame him if he did. )
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( the nights are always the hardest, when the baby and the boyfriend are both asleep and the house is silent. it won't last, people tell her. enjoy it while it does, the doctor says. he may sleep through the night now, but that's likely to change as he gets bigger, and then the chances of her managing to catch a little shut eye drop drastically. heather doesn't know how to tell any of them that she doesn't really sleep anyway.
during the day, life is one giant distraction. the restaurant is understanding, if not entirely accepting, of the change in her availability, and she's able to keep her daytime hours though it isn't without a fight. every morning she drops the baby off with will, or her mother, and tries to pretend like it doesn't feel as if she's dying a little bit each time she does.
there's the new apartment, still pretty barren, all things considered. the most important things have been put away, the kitchen is clean and she's got her clothes and everything else required to survive on a day to day basis, but the rest is still shoved in boxes stacked up in the living room and along the hallway. things she hasn't had the time or the energy (or both) to go through and attempt to find a place for. this place is smaller than the old house, which isn't actually saying much, and some days she's not entirely sure how they're going to fit. how they're going to make it work.
and kyle, he seems so badly to want to make it work. he tries to help as much as he can, changes diapers when heather's in the middle of making dinner and can't get to it, brings home takeout when he knows she's too drained to cook. on those rare days when she does manage to get some sleep, he rubs her back until she does, and he doesn't get upset (or at least hides it well) when she constantly brings up will. sometimes accidentally, sometime on purpose, but a day doesn't usually pass without him being brought up at least once. (a part of her life she couldn't let go of now even if she wanted to. ) he's sweet and wonderful, and anymore she doesn't know what to do with that. it's exactly what she wanted, but nowhere near how she wanted it.
the tiny apartment feels claustrophobic tonight. like the walls are closing in, and she struggles just to breathe. lays sleepless in the bed, shadows creeping slowly across the ceiling while kyle snores softly next to her. it's overwhelming, crushing, and before she can think better of it, she slips out from beneath the blankets. grabbing her cellphone from the nightstand and padding softly out to the living room, not bothering to turn on any of the lights. even the crap left where it was set down the day she moved in has been there long enough now that she can navigate without seeing. this is an awful idea. sleeping soundly in the bedroom is a boy who seems to really are about her and this sad, broken little family that he found, and if she were any sort of decent, she'd crawl back into the bed with him and give sleep another go. but heather isn't a good person, and there's only one person who's voice she's interested in hearing right now. the only person she knows who'll still be awake at 2:47 in the morning.
just so long as he doesn't see the number and choose to ignore the call. she wouldn't blame him if he did. )